| i'm numb |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|10:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  "hands down" dashboard | ] |
who knew that when i said in my last journal that i would update soon, that it would be two months. not too much has been going on, i work every day, 8-4. ahhhh i guess you can't really call being a nanny work, but it's an easy job and i get paid very well.
i went to new york to see marley a couple weeks ago, it was wonderful. i got to spend time with my marley, i miss her a lot... more than i did when she moved away last summer.
this summer is so different than last summer, i feel like i don't have any friends this summer. i never get to see my friends from high school. at least i still have paige, andrew and taylor... i love them with all of my heart, they are the ones that mean the most to me here in charlotte, i am ready to go back to school. i miss my roommate.
i have been in a better mood than i was at school. i should be going off of my zoloft soon, i am ready to be off of those drugs that manipulate my brain, i am going to be normal soon!!!!
going to bed... i have to wake up early tomorrow...
sweet dreams...
more later
becky <3<3<3 |
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| so long |
[May. 4th, 2004|11:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
it has been a long ass time since i have updated my journal. i am going home in five days. a week ago if you had asked me if i wanted to leave, i would have said no... now though... i am ready to leave this damn place that is infested with bullshit.
i let myself be played AGAIN. what the hell is my problem, this asshole lied to my face... then i found out yesterday that he is dating a SIXTEEN year old... what the hell is that all about???? what a fuck face...
i think i am more mad at myself than anyone else, i shouldn't have let this happen to myself. i should have learned from my previous mistakes....
oh well... i must learn from this one...
i have exams tomorrow... i will write more later....<3<3<3 |
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| whoa is me.... |
[Mar. 27th, 2004|01:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "hand down" dashboard confessional | ] |
six hours in front of my computer. i had two papers due today and of course i procrastinated until the last minute to do them. i spent six hours racking my brain to get a descent grade... i must sleep now...
more late...
<3<3<3 |
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| yes!! today was good... |
[Mar. 23rd, 2004|10:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
today was a good day... i think i am getting a job at a tanning bed... i will be the brownest mo fo in all of brevard... I HATE FEET... this stupid kid keeps putting his feet all over my face. i think i might throw up!!! that was random... my roommate is baking cookies... that makes me happy too. i am in a good mood. my roommate and i will execute the best practical joke in nine days... it will be sooo funny... i will write about it when it is executed... don't want to give it away... good times, good times... more later....
<3<3<3 |
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| just go ahead and fuck me why don't ya?? |
[Mar. 22nd, 2004|11:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "close your eyes" jump little children | ] |
this has been quite possibly the worst day i have had in a looooong time...i am not taking my schooling seriously... i have fucked up this past semester. i think i still have that "i'm a senior in high school" mentality. i found out that i am not enrolled in a class i have been going to and i am enrolled in a class i thought i dropped... well damn. i am only going to have 12 hours this semester and my advisor is being the biggest bitch in the world. ahhhhhh
on a postive side i had a wonderful weekend. rod and i went to Ms. A's house to have dinner with her and bri. it was wonderful. i got to see my mar again... andrew... paige... john... but not tay... that made me sad... i miss her a lot
i miss paige too... just a month and a half until i am in charlotte again... can't wait. i know i will be ready to leave at the end of the summer... i am going to talk to the roommate.....
goodnight...
more later
<3<3<3 |
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| umm... yeah.... |
[Mar. 19th, 2004|08:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "better man" pearl jam | ] |
this week has gone by so quickly... i am going home tomorrow to see my brother race at UNCC... he is a track all star!! rod and i have become best friends! we went out to dinner last night, just the two of us.. it was great. i made a cheesecake yesterday... whoa... next time i want to make a cheesecake please tell me not to. i didn't cook it long enough and i was cheesecake flavored goo...
i signed my young life contract yesterday...i think i just signed my life away....oh well... we will see what happens!!! i am going out tonight with the roommate and a few friends... it should be good times!!!
more later
<3<3<3 |
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| this is so not normal |
[Mar. 18th, 2004|12:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "don't let me be lonely tonight | ] |
tonight i went on a date. that's right i went on a date with a boy. this type of things do not happen to me. i feel bad, i don't like this kid in any other way than just being friends... he is a sweet boy and we have a lot in common, but i don't have feelings for him. my mom told me to just pretend and go out with him for a while... i bet my mom was one hell of a player back in the day.
i am so sleepy. i took a nap tonight after the date and i am still exhausted. oh well. i am going to finish my homework and go to bed...
goodnight... sweet dreams...
more later
<3<3<3 |
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| and the pieces fell back together finally....... |
[Mar. 14th, 2004|02:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "i still haven't found what i'm looking for" U2 | ] |
I had a wonderful week at Cumberland Island... a tiny island in southern georgia. a week with no worries... i have been having damn panic attacks again... i don't know what to do about that. i don't want to rely on that medicine. i don't want to depend on chemicals to fix something i am capable of handling myself.
something made me call colton on thursday. i was driving, i had been driving for hours... all day. i thought about him, i called him. he called me back...
slowly but surely i think we will return to what we had. it is a hard thing for me to think about... i have finally gotten to the point where i thought i was okay without him. i miss my best friend...
mar was in town, i was happy. i thought things were going to be weird... they weren't. i was glad to see her. i think my marley is coming back. i think that the mar that i became friends with i coming back...
this was an amazing week...
i thank my god that i have made the decisions i made this week and these past couple of months. i have learned from my mistakes... i have learned from my heart ache. i am stronger...
thinking... writing... sleeping...
more later <3<3<3 |
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| out of control |
[Feb. 29th, 2004|02:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "toxic" britney spears | ] |
tonight was crazy...
we were going to go to the club... i dressed up like a slut... well not really a slut but a girl that doesn't wear much clothes... then we decided that we were just going to sing karaoke.
casey jones (the karaoke place) has never seen anything like it did tonight... booty dancing out of control... i am going to be so sore tomorrow... my thighs are burning now, i can't imagine what they are going to be like tomorrow. i dropped it like it was hot... i was so fucking hot tonight... goodness...
i got a guilt trip from one of my friends here. he told me that i was not setting a good example as a young life leader... whatever man... who are you to judge me?
i have to go to bed... church in the morning....
more later
<3<3<3 |
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| for they know not what they do... |
[Feb. 28th, 2004|08:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | you can't always get what you want- rolling stones | ] |
i should be happy, i shouldn't be sad...
i had a wonderful day, the sun was shinning and it was so warm... i went to asheville and tried to go to the biltmore house, but it closed by the time beth and i finally decided to go...ahhh... we went to la paz and got free food from her brother... it was great.
now despite my wonderful day, i am feeling incredibly sad... i really don't know why... but it is all going to be okay. i am ready to spend some time at home and just relax. i want to hang out with paige and play in charlotte....
i am going out with my roommate
more later
<3<3<3 |
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| amazing... |
[Feb. 28th, 2004|01:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "how sweet it is to be loved by you" jamse taylor | ] |
i painted today... i went into the painting studio and got to throw paint onto a canvas... i haven't been able to be an "artist" in almost a year. i never realized how much my art meant to me until it was taken away. now all i need to do is get into a darkroom. i will be becky again.
i went to see "The Passion of the Christ" tonight, holy cow, it was amazing. The best story ever told. wow, i cried more than i have ever in a movie. i don't really know what to think... i am in awe... i'm grateful of all that i have received....
sleepppp... more later
<3<3<3 |
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| amazing... |
[Feb. 28th, 2004|01:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "how sweet it is to be loved by you" jamse taylor | ] |
i painted today... i went into the painting studio and got to throw paint onto a canvas... i haven't been able to be an "artist" in almost a year. i never realized how much my art meant to me until it was taken away. now all i need to do is get into a darkroom. i will be becky again.
i went to see "The Passion of the Christ" tonight, holy cow, it was amazing. The best story ever told. wow, i cried more than i have ever in a movie. i don't really know what to think... i am in awe... in grateful of all that i have received....
sleepppp... more later
<3<3<3 |
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| ummmmm |
[Feb. 27th, 2004|02:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  flirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "love will come to you" indigo girls | ] |
the snow is gone... it has all melted away, the sun is shining. i am happy. today has been a good day, except i didn't wake up until 10:20 and i have a class at 10:30 oooops. so i looked like death warmed over when i went to class and it didn't help that my stupid friend told me i looked bad, but it is all good.
i am going to see the passion of the christ tonight, i am excited, i have heard that it is an amazing movie.
i am glad that it is finally friday, i need this weekend to catch up on sleep.
must go work out... more later
<3<3<3 |
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| Snow...... |
[Feb. 26th, 2004|07:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | i shall not walk alone- ben harper | ] |
things i miss about charlotte...
driving aimlessly
going to the penguin
going to the "top"
swimming at grandma's lake
hippie hill
starbucks on east
the greek church parking lot
marley... my old marley
northwest... most of it
the snow has made me sad... last year it was tradition that every time it snowed someone would sleep over at my house... i cried last week i thought about him. i took all his pictures down...
(p.s.i got mad because i was in most of them) but that is the past, i can't dwell in it... i think i am a better person now that i am on my own, i don't have to worry about him any more....
more later
<3<3<3 |
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| whoa.... |
[Feb. 24th, 2004|03:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "friend is a four letter word" cake | ] |
don't really know what to think... boys are actually attracted to me.... what??? this doesn't happen to becky... boys don't bring me flowers, and take me on dates....
i miss my marley... i want things to be the way they used to be, when we would all ride to school together... i miss michers... i miss everything i was so used to...
i found out that i have jury duty over spring break... what kind of shit is that?? WTF. i don't want to be on a fucking jury, and i am supposed to be at the beach. that is bull shit....
must do work... more later.....
<3<3<3 |
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| it's been too long |
[Feb. 6th, 2004|12:07 am] |
well it has been two months since my last entry... maybe this livejournal stuff isn't for me... who knows...
this month since i have been back at school hasn't been the best. i have had to go to two funerals in the past week...
i slapped my suite mate a couple days ago... just hauled off and slapped her on the face... i think it left a big red mark... ahhh the beast is back.....
more later |
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| feeling better |
[Dec. 7th, 2003|11:49 pm] |
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this week has been crazy... too much going on. i don't really know what to think. crazy things are going on here at the eventful Brevard College... i want to be home... only eight more days..... praise god..... |
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| what the hell is going on? |
[Dec. 3rd, 2003|12:35 am] |
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i need to be back in charlotte and be surrounded by the people who really love me. it is so hard trying to handle the shit life throws you when you are so far away from the people who really matter... nothing will ever be the same |
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